Dedication: For two very good friends who have a wonderful sense of humour, Vi & Packer. This story is for you both, I hope you enjoy it.

Acknowlegement: My beta readers Alice, Packer, Vi and Mel as always my grateful thanks can’t do it without you all.

I took the stairs three at a time. I knew I was behind schedule. As I turned the corner into the hallway, I cannoned into my partner as she vacated the bathroom. Thank goodness, she’s done.

“You’re late, Il. Work wouldn’t let you go again, I see,” was the long-suffering response from my partner. She winked, stole a quick kiss and disappeared into the bedroom to make herself beautiful for a family celebration dinner with my parents.

“I couldn’t just leave, the shift change was later than normal. We had a few new cases on the ward.” I replied as I threw off my clothes and turned the shower on. As the warm spray hit my body, I immediately began to relax.

As I wallowed in the hot tub water, my thoughts turned to the house we’d looked at recently. Maybe it was time to broach that subject again…

My partner wasn’t impressed with my constant nagging to see the listing. You see, we were looking to purchase property and when I saw it in the realtor’s window, I couldn’t believe my eyes. ‘A part of history’, they described the house. That certainly was the case for me. Whenever I remember my childhood, this place first comes to mind and then vaguely, my Aunt Sandra, the person who owned it then. I had walked around the old place five times now and remembered all the fun we had when I was a child.

“Iliana, please! We’ve checked every single crevice in the place. Can we go now and take the keys back to the realtor? They’ll think we’ve absconded with them.” For the third time in the last half hour, an irritated voice pleaded with me.

“Don’t you love it, Meri? It’s exactly what we’re looking for.” I wanted so much for my partner to agree with me. However, with the look I received for my best persuasive tone, I knew at the moment, it was ineffective. Merivale Lancaster was not impressed!

A derisive snort was my answer as she left the decking to go inside to wait grumpily at the door. I could hear the rattle of keys, another sure sign she wasn’t happy.

My eyes wandered over the overgrown plantings. Shrubs that had once been tended with love and patience were now straggly and neglected. If Aunt Sandy could see her pride and joy now, she’d be aghast at the terrible sight. The grass had the unkempt look of a man who hadn’t shaved in days, stubble growing vigorously and unsightly. Once well manicured, it now had brown patches and weeds growing on virtually every inch of the yard.  Okay, she’s going to kill me, but I had to go out to the orchard one more time.

I recalled so vividly the place where my cousins and I would play happily while the adults got together over the BBQ with drinks. They would trade their life stories over the past twelve months at the yearly family get together. I rushed across the old wooden decking and down the three steps that creak at the intrusion to their long sleep. I smiled. They had always been like that. My Aunt said that way no one would ever sneak up on her. How wrong she’d been. I’d done it once and knew she wasn’t very happy with me. Unfortunately, since it happened over twenty years ago, I can’t recall exactly why.

As the memories gathered momentum, I quickly reached the old, now yellowing, white picketfence and tried to open the gate. The springs protested at first until I pushed harder and forcibly pressed the gate as far as I dare before the warping of the wood and the upheaval of the ground brought it to a halt. I carefully squeezed past the small allowance it gave me and glanced around the orchard. I knew now wasn’t the best of times to come as autumn was claiming the area.

Apples and pears had all fallen and been pecked at by the numerous birds that lived at the property. We’d disturbed a number of starlings and blackbirds when we walked out the first time. Now, I suspected, as they watched me wander around again, they wondered if I was here to evict them from their home and bountiful supply of food. I was not. I loved the varieties that had frequented the place. It was a magical treat to see, especially when we came over in winter to bring our Christmas presents. My Aunt would have feeders everywhere and I loved to watch the birds’ antics. We lived in the city and Dad wasn’t much of a gardener. We only had a patio area with a minute grass part where my swing was, his only concession to nature. Although, I suspect, when he came here, as long as he didn’t have to do the hard work to tend it, he enjoyed the outdoors and the land.

Trailing a hand along the bark of the tallest of the fruit trees, I wondered…yep, there it was. My eyes followed the path of my hand and felt the etching that we’d done as kids. IT loves RB, not quite how it all turned out in the end. My eyes turned guiltily towards the house. Time to go. Meri was great about most things but I had pushed her a bit too far with this obsession. Giving the orchard one last look, I realized the past was in the past. You could only go back in memories.

* * *

“Meri, where did you put the toothpaste?” I shouted from the bathroom to my partner who was drying her wet hair in the bedroom.

“Where it always is, in the bathroom under the washbasinin the cabinet! My God, Il, don’t you ever look for things in their proper place?”

I heard the attempt at a rebuke, but that’s all it was. I exasperated her constantly, but she loved me and we always worked stuff out. She annoys me, especially when comes to housekeeping. Not that I’m a total slob, but Meri is the ultimate housekeeper. Depending on whom you talk to, she cleans either regularly or obsessively. There’s never a magazine out of place. They were in order on the top of the bookcase. And the books! Well, she would have killed me by now if I didn’t know how to spell. Sometimes I put one out of order just for the hell of it. We would have a frantic time sparing about it, but my reward was making up afterwards. I loved every minute with her as I loved her profoundly. We were the typical couple, each with our own odd habits that could aggravate the other, countered by our deep friendship and the love we shared. But, any minor irritation we felt, pale into insignificance when either one of us was hurting. Whoever said ‘love was easy’ was wrong. It isn’t. We worked hard at improving our relationship and it was now showing the dividends.

Any dentist would be pleased at my efforts as I vigorously brushed my teeth and once again, my mind drifted to the first time Meri and I met our respective families….

We weren’t the ‘normal’ loving partnership either of our parents wanted or expected for us. Even now, after ten years as a couple and finally deciding to buy a place together, my mother still doesn’t approve of it and we don’t even talk about Meri’s parent’s harsh viewpoint.

A few years ago, I pointed out to her that normal couples, as she called them, often married, had a couple of kids and then divorced in the same time Meri and I had been together. It went completely over her head and she wasn’t having any of it. Old fashioned, she said and that was the end of it. I gave up bothering about it eventually.

My dad was a little different. He was shocked at first, but he didn’t have the overbearing attitude that my mother had, thank God. Eventually, he came around to the situation since I was their only child. He wasn’t going to let me loose in the world without parental guidance, even if I had found someone to share my life with. He said I was too gullible and he affectionately called me his ‘dreamer’. And he was right as my mind still often wanders at unexpected times.

After the first year of acrimonious contact, we were eventually invited to lunch on Sunday followed by the family get together. But, if Gran Cambridge were ever going to be there, we would not be invited. Everyone has a matriarch in the family cupboard that stood out. Well, Gran Cambridge, my mother’s mother was straight out of the Victorian times.  I was sure no one had told her about my preferences. However, sadly, I was mistaken. I met her unexpectedly at my mother’s house one Saturday. The look she gave me was enough to freeze an ice cube in the fridge. Then she gave one of the stupidest lectures I’d ever heard in my life and I had heard some humdingers having just finished college that year.

We never saw each other again nor was I invited to her funeral. In fact, she’d made it a point that under no circumstances did she want me there. It hurt. I remember my Gran and her funny ways, but she had been good to us as kids, always had a pocket full of chocolate when we saw her. At one time in her life, she was always smiling. But as I got older, she became bitter and angry at the world. No one mentioned why and you knew better to ask. Like a great many things, when it came to families…you had to put up with the odd personality quirks, even if you didn’t like or understand them.

Meri was wonderful during that time; her support was second to none. She didn’t get upset; she didn’t rant and rave about the prejudice she and I faced just because we loved each other. She was better than that and proved it repeatedly. When we were invited to the first Christmas family gathering, she was witty, friendly and the loving woman I knew and experienced every day. Even though some of my relatives would never appreciate her or her wonderful personality, she tried hard for me and suffered the jibes of their insults, either implied or by looks, uncomplainingly.

I was the only person she ever set out to impress and she’d done that the first day we met at college by tripping over her feet in front of me. I had often wondered since if it had been merely a ploy to get to know me. I was always full of bullshit and had lots of friends who were full of it, too. We were involved in nearly every prank that happened on campus and didn’t care much for our classes. Merivale Lancaster was the studious type and since I was too busy with my sins, I never even notice she was in several of my classes. But she made sure I did as I ended up with her, breathless in my arms, after saving her from a nasty fall. As I think of that first time of holding the eventual love of my life in my arms, it brings with it the glow that will remain with me for the rest of my life.

Her pale grey eyes had twinkled at me in both embarrassment and something else. That ‘something’ had to wait a whole year before I found out what it was. Eventually, she confessed that she’d fancied and wanted to get noticed by me. I was the one embarrassed then. I’d never considered a carnal relationship with a woman. Besides, she was my friend, my best friend, once we got to know each other. Then, all she asked was that I would keep an open mind and she promised she would never do anything that I didn’t want. At the time, I decided that it was just one of those silly crushes you get like a child does for their schoolteacher. Boy, was I wrong and I’m sure glad I was!

“Iliana, stop daydreaming. Get a move on or we will be late and it won’t be my fault this time.” Meri’s chuckle followed. There were usually two reasons for us being late, one because Meri loved to dress the part and the second…well, when she did dress up, I always wanted to take her clothes off. Tonight probably would have been no different, except for the fact, I was already late and didn’t want to explain why to my parents.

“I’ll be out in a second. What shall I wear? I haven’t thought about it, no time.” I heard the exasperated sigh from the bedroom and the sound of the wardrobe doors being yanked open.

“I don’t think your parents would appreciate you turning up naked at the doorstep. I’ll find something for you.” I smiled at the comment. That definitely would be a no, no.

Parents were a law unto themselves, as we’d found over the years. I complained about my family and their refusal to look beyond their initial reaction, but Meri’s family had a hard time as well. She had categorically stated that her parents were open-minded and that our loving each other wouldn’t be a problem. Oh, my beautiful trusting Meri, how wrong she was. My mind drifted to another summer day, years before…

“Mom, this is Iliana, my college friend. I mentioned she was coming to stay this weekend.” Sally Lancaster was large with intelligent eyes with a bohemian style about her that reminded me of a gypsy. Eventually, she proffered her hand and I took it, smiling excessively. She probably thought I was crazy but I loved her daughter and wanted her to like me.

It was true. My partner’s parents were unconventional in many ways. They lived in a deceptively spacious beachhouse beside one of the most gorgeous bay’s on the Island. Her father, Adrian, was a master potter and spent most of his time in a workshop tucked away at the end of the half-acre section. Her mother was a struggling artist. According to Meri, she’d been ‘struggling’ all her life and it was just a ploy not to work in a conventional manner. At first, I thought they were great, lots of quirky humour and pleasant company. It wasn’t until I went to bed that I realised that we would be sharing it. Not that I had a major problem with that. We had decided that until we passed our finals, a deep, loving friendship without the final declaration, was the order of the day. Then the idea was that we were going to go away on vacation for a few months. Maybe a year travelling the world and afterwards, we would explore all the possibilities our relationship had to offer. Well, that was our great plan anyway. Sometimes, however, plans change. That balmy summer evening it had done just that!

After collapsing in laughter over one of the many corny jokes her father had on permanent tap, I got to my feet and excused myself saying I was tired. I wanted the family to have some private time together. I winked at Meri, who smiled at me in gratitude, as I left the room.

I can’t even recall when Meri came to bed a little over an hour later. All I remember was the feel and the fresh scent of her body settling in next to me. I turned unconsciously towards her. I’m not sure if it was instinct or the love I felt for her. As I slowly awoke from my slumber, I found her looking at me with a silent message in her eyes.

“You have beautiful eyes, Iliana. I love to watch them when you’re talking and throwing your arms around to make a point. They sparkle with so much life. I swear they are made up of the stars themselves.” Her words were flowery and overstated and normally, I would make a point of saying so. However, at that moment, flowery or not, they were all I wanted to hear as I traced a line down her cheek. As I touched her, I could feel my heart beating like thunder.

“You take my breath away, Meri. You always have, from the first day we met. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t in my life.” My voice caught as I spoke. I was trying to say, and probably not very well, was that I loved and needed her.If she thought my eyes were striking, well, hers glowed like stardust from a comet, dazzling and fiery. Her sheer sexuality was so potent I felt like I was under a spell. All she had to do was touch me and I was hers, and she knew it.

“I love you, Iliana, and I want you so very much. To me, the first time, here in my room, would be so very right.” Her eyes pierced my soul. They went looking into every corner of my being trying to gauge if this was what I wanted. Yet, I knew if I said no, she would accept it and there would be no repercussions. Cold showers, yes. But nothing we couldn’t work out together.

A part of me was frightened. We’d talked endlessly about this moment. I‘m the brash one most of the time, full of confidence, but the tables turned when it came to the sexual part of our relationship. Meri took control but not because of her experience. She was a virgin too, but, as she called it, on the account of the primal urges she felt every time I walked into a room. My senses were hot-wired. I wanted her too, and now as she gently pulled me into her arms, I felt the rush of sensual emotions take control. It was right…the timing, the place and the woman in my arms. I was in love and was loved. How much better could it get?

From that first kiss, to the feverish removal of our sleepshirts and lying aroused and naked together, we hesitated for a moment to gaze intently at each other. Each asking the other if what we were going to do was right and wanted. We found the answer in our eyes.

It only took a split second as we both stroked each other’s breasts tenderly with a shyness of the first time and a need to experience every texture and sensation it created. Her nipples responded by peaking, as mine did in response to her touch. I swear I drooled when it happened. Not that Meri would have noticed as I placed my lips to one breast and suckled there, content as a newborn child. In truth, ‘I’ was the newborn. Everything from then on would be a new experience, my new life. My fingers caressed the other breast as I pulled and nipped at the turgid nipple and stroked the curve and I felt her bucking under my touch. As I loved her, she gave up her quest to do the same. I was being greedy. I wanted her first and she was allowing me to take the lead. Though she caressed my buttocks with a feather light touch, it made me squirm and I could feel her chuckling. My touch became bolder as I stroked my hand down her stomach and felt the muscles react to my fingertips. She was on fire. Her small growls were nothing short of a powerful addiction. I wanted to hear more and more as my fingers travelled to her womanhood and the curly dark hair. It felt soft and silky as my fingers explored her depth, stroking her with an instinct I didn’t know I possessed. I heard her moans crash around me like waves against the rocks. Vaguely, I wondered if I was hearing the sea or my love. I didn’t have long to wait for the answer as my touch delved deeper and her hot wet centre welcomed me, as I knew it would.

We were in love and meant for each other. Before I entered her, I moved slightly so that I could look into her eyes. I wanted to see every emotion, to know I was the only one and would always be the only one. She was MINE. A selfish confession, I know, but she had offered me that right and she responded to me as I made love to her with every fiber of my being. Her orgasm was electric and it sent me into a sensual abyss I didn’t think I was capable finding. When she finally caught her breath, her eyes sexily languid, I heard her softly growl as she pulled my head towards her for a ferocious kiss. I had no doubt she was satisfied as she explored my body as thoroughly as I had hers. It was my turn now. The culmination of that passion was a yell of pleasure that any cheerleader would be proud of, and I was. Unfortunately, the elation lasted for only a few minutes. Suddenly, the door of the bedroom swung open and while pulling on a silk Chinese robe, in walked her mother. Her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to push away the sleep that my scream had obviously awakened her from.

Oops!

To say Sally Lancaster hated me that night might be putting it a little strongly, but I swear it’s the truth. She literally dragged me out of the bed and spit profanity after profanity out at me. But all that concerned me was Meri’s eyes filling with tears as she screamed even louder for her mother to leave me alone. “We are in love and old enough! What is your problem?”

I stood naked as the day I was born, watching the woman I loved, cry and say things to her mother she would probably regret later. During all the time I’d known my lover, she had never said a bad word about her parents. True, they had different values and personality than she did, but she said they still got along okay. Her father would teasingly call her ‘the cuckoo’ in the nest. As he walked into the room to see what all the shouting was about, I grabbed a towel and covered up my modesty. Within half an hour, my stuff was haphazardly packed and I was literally thrown out of the house. Her father said to me as he closed the door firmly on my face, “Never set foot in my house again, ever!” To this day I never have.

 I wandered down the drive towards the beach. Thank God, it was one of those beautiful, balmy summer evenings when, as a kid, you wanted to sleep out under the stars. Here, at twenty, I was about to do just that.  A few minutes later, I pulled out a sweater and sat down on it, my head full of…everything, really. From the wonder of the moment of being absolutely perfect to the worse living nightmare ever, and yet, all I could do was grin inanely.

Yep, that was my adolescent way of looking at the crisis. Who gave a shit what her parents thought? Meri and I had made love and it was the best thing that had ever happened in my life. I should have been worried that Meri’s parents might talk her out of seeing me again and that the lovemaking we’d experienced together wasn’t really that. While my head tried to relay those thoughts, my heart kicked sand in its face. Call it the ‘arrogance of youth’, or ‘unashamedly in love’ or call it a hundred of other things, but I would sleep on the beach for the rest of my life to be close to my new lover. Besides, come Monday, Meri would be with me in school again and with it, privacy. It wasn’t like in high school and hiding behind the back of the bike sheds to consummate love. Oh, no. We shared a room. It was so…perfect. As my heart somersaulted at the sensual thought, I chuckled out loud. Suddenly, my mouth dropped open in awe and surprise as I heard a very dear, familiar voice call my name.

“Iliana?”

“Yeah, over here, Meri.” I stood up and watched her walk unsteadily in the sand towards me. She was my own vision of beauty. As she approached me, my grin was vying with the luminosity of the moon in a competition to see who was brighter.

“You look pretty pleased with yourself.” Under the circumstances, one might think it was a rebuke on her part, but I saw the twinkle in those eyes and, you know, here, in the moonlight, they really were made up of stardust.

“I am. I just made love with the most perfect woman in the world whom I love to distraction. Isn’t that a good enough reason?” My eyes held hers, she sucked in a tiny breath, her breath shallowed and I saw the flash of passion it created.

“Distraction is right. I’m sorry it ended the way it did.” Her voice held the acute sorrow I knew she felt. Though she could appear aloof to some, it was only a front for her shyness, an unusual situation with out-going parents like hers. But, that was simply the way of it.

“Ended? Heavens no, Meri, it’s only just beginning.” I held out my hand, which she grasped like a lifeline, and then, while holding her close, I pulled her down gently to the sweater on the beach. Whispering ‘I love you’ over and over again, she finally relaxed into my arms. Then the sobs began. She had literally left home and vowed never to go back until her parents accepted me as part of her life.

When her sobs were spent, they were traded for a glorious night of passion on the beach. With the waves truly crashing on the rocks and sand getting into places you really wished it didn’t, it was another memory of a summer that we would never forget.

“This blue one is a perfect dress, Il. I’ll go press it for you,” Meri hollered from the next room as I shook my head from those heady thoughts of making love with the woman. I towelled my hair vigorously as I followed the voice. My head filled with grateful thoughts of the wonderful person who had come into my life and who had stayed staunchly at my side throughout all the battles fought for our partnership.

Ever since that summer, Meri spends only one weekend a year with her parents, the week prior to Christmas. It breaks her heart every time she leaves me and her sadness permeates every room after she returns. We talk through it and then go on with our lives. What else could we do?

* * *

My dad, Jerry Travis, opened the door and greeted us. It was my parent’s thirtieth wedding anniversary and we were having a private family dinner before the big family bash on the weekend. One thing you could always say about the Cambridge family was it loved to get together. Which we did even if only a whisper of any impending event was heard.

“Dad, happy anniversary.” I hugged him and gave his weathered cheek a kiss. He was my dad and I loved him.

“Thank you, Iliana. Merivale, nice you could come, too.” My dad’s voice was stilted. He still had problems with my partner, though she was always polite and careful around my parents. There was no way she would permit World War III to happen in my family home as it had in hers. Now, nine years later, she continued to feel the pain of the enforced separation and unless her parents drastically changed, no amount of time was going to heal the wounds. To this day, we both don’t understand why they feel like they do. It was contrary to their basic beliefs, or so we thought. At the end of one rather long and tearful discussion a few years ago, I had called them hypocrites and since then, we never broached the subject in depth again.

“I’m honoured you invited me, Mr. Travis, thirty years is cause for a celebration. I hope that Iliana and…”she trailed off as my father looked at her with a grim expression. I tempered his hostility by winking at her, fully understanding what she was going to say and gently smiled at her. Yeah, one day, I hoped we hit thirty years and more. We wanted to grow old together, too. It was as simple as that.

“Dad, what have you done with Mom?” changing the subject rapidly as I could. He smiled indulgently at me and shook his head.

“You women never can decide what to wear, can you? She must have changed clothes a million times and that’s just the dress. God help us when she gets to the shoes.” Although he chastised his wife, he rolled his eyes in affection. There were just the oddities you lived with if you loved someone and a burden that he cheerfully carried.

“I’ll go up and see if she’s ready. The table is booked for eight so we have about another half hour.” I ran up the stairs with a chuckle and left my partner to my dad who, despite his wariness, was the best host I knew. He would politely take Meri into the lounge, pour her a drink and ask about her work. A topic Meri was always happy to talk about. She was a botanist at one of the local reserves.

Tapping on my parent’s bedroom door, I heard a sharp ‘come in’ and cautiously opened the door. I knew what my mother was like. If something didn’t look right, she would change and change until it did and usually ended up wearing the first thing she tried on. I had to admit, my mother was an attractive woman and at fifty-three, didn’t look a day older than forty. I hope I look as good when I’m that age.

“Need any help? Dad said you couldn’t decide what to wear?” An exasperated sigh was heard as she rolled her eyes at me.

“What do men know about women? I have a suitable dress, I just can’t find the right shoes!” Dad had been right on the button as I suppressed the urge to laugh. Her eyes scanned my outfit, which thankfully must have got the thumbs up since she didn’t say anything. Thank God, I’d asked my lover for her suggestions or I might be the one going home for a change of outfit. It was a strange …it’s said that when you get older and set up your own life, it doesn’t really matter what your parents think about it because you’re an adult. Not true. If we see the faintest hint of disapproval, that knot in the stomach appears and we revert to feeling as children that got caught doing something foolish and then chastised for it.  I’ll challenge anyone who says they haven’t felt that way when it comes to their parents, no matter how old they are.

“I guess I’m fortunate in that area. Meri has wonderful dress sense.”

I swear she wasn’t thinking when she replied, “I’m sure she does. At least that’s a benefit of living with another woman, they know what you need.”

The smirk grew wide on my face and this time I snorted a laugh out loud. Oh, she certainly knew what I needed all right. I wiped the smile from my face as I got a look of disapproval. I hastily turned and glanced at the array of shoes lining the cupboard. My mother had a shoe fetish. It must have cost her a fortune to amass so many pairs.

“Want me to send her along? I’m sure she’d be happy to help.” I waited for the censure. Sure enough, it was there in her eyes as she picked up a pair of shoes that she’d probably tried on several times and discarded.

“I’m ready. Let’s go, young lady, and where’s my kiss? You’re not too old, you know.”  I grinned and pecked her cheek. For all her faults and she had plenty, she was my mother and I loved her.

Dinner was at a local, boutique winery with the added attraction of a decent restaurant. I loved the place with its high ceilings and wooden beams. Although the service was slow, it had great food and a friendly atmosphere, not to mention, the excellent wine. Since I was driving, the others enjoyed a couple of bottles of the respectable, premier house wine. They even managed a wine tasting session prior to our meal. As it was such a wonderful summer evening, we ate out on the veranda. Nothing beat eating al fresco in good company with people you love. I was happy and so were my parents. Even Meri looked like she was enjoying the occasion, although, that could have been the wine talking. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. It was a nice evening with my family.

“Did you know your daughter is terrible at visiting properties?” Meri’s attempt at conversation startled not only my parents, but me as well. It wasn’t that she’d started a conversation, but the topic she chose.

“Is that right? In what way?” My dad asked, as he looked at me with a wicked glint in his eyes. Okay, Meri was a little tipsy and she might say something my dad would tease me with forever. We all waited for the next revelation.

“We went over an old place that had very little going for it unless you were a do-it-yourself expert and she fell in love with it. She walked around the place five times. I thought the realtors might think we’d moved in as squatters.” Her voice held amusement as she recalled the day.

“Oh Iliana, did you fall in love with the place? Where is it? What’s it like? Are you going to make a bid for it?” My mother, as usual, decided that I was right and Meri was wrong and that I should have whatever I wanted. Especially, if she thought it was the totally opposite view from my lover’s.

“Don’t be silly, Cheryl, the girl’s right. Neither one of them is good with a tool kit. Look at the mess they made of that bookshelf last year!” He looked back at me, “So, where is it? Local?” Oh, I love you, Dad, not because you pointed out a fault, but, for once, you actually supported my partner.

“Yes, local. But, unfortunately, we couldn’t afford the upkeep so Meri was right.” I didn’t elaborate, and for that, I was given a puzzled glance from Meri.

“If you really want something badly, Iliana, you have to work harder for it. I know, we did at your age.” As usual, I could rely on my mother to labour a point and she didn’t disappointment me.

“We have worked long and hard enough, mother!” For some reason, I was angry with my mother at that moment. But, I wasn’t sure why.

The table’s conversation stopped abruptly as my voice raised and they heard the veiled anger in it. What seemed like an hour but was only a few minutes later, Meri spoke again.

“I believe the house used to be owned by your sister, Mrs. Travis.”

Surprised, I inwardly groaned. Oh no, definitely too much information! I saw my mother face pale and my father glance sharply at Meri to judge why she mentioned his wife’s sister. However, he could find no ulterior motive behind her innocent statement. Then he stared at me. I could do little but wince and shrug my shoulders.

“Aunt Sandra’s?” at my nod, Dad continued, “as I recall, Iliana, you always liked the house. It’s been a long time since we ventured behind its gates. A long, hot summer nearly twenty years ago, if my memory serves me well.” My dad wasn’t normally the wistful type, but he sounded like one as he spoke. Then, I saw a gesture he rarely undertook in public, he clasped my mother’s hand on the table and smiled at her gently.

“I was eight.” My own memories were less vivid than his and remembered through the rose coloured hue of a child. A time where every summer was wonderful and everything we did then was better than what kids do today.

As I looked towards my dad, I could feel Meri staring quizzically at me. Although I’d told her my aunt lived there once and went there for summer family gatherings, I had failed to convey that something sad happened there as well. Although, what it was exactly, was hidden in the back of my mind.

“I do believe you were, pumpkin. Sandra loved that old place and she was a great gardener! She’d be turning in her grave if it’s gone to wrack and ruin.” As he spoke, I heard Meri take in a swift breath. Usually she would smirk at the term my father had for me, but not this time. I’d forgotten to mention my aunt was dead too. I didn’t remember much about the circumstances, other than I never saw her again after that last summer gathering.

“I’m sorry I mentioned it. I wasn’t aware that she died.” Meri shifted uncomfortably in her seat. My lover hated to upset people, especially, if they were special to me. The next thing would probably be a trip to the bathroom to compose herself.

“Yes, happened in the North. It’s been a long time since anyone mentioned her name. Even after all these years, it’s still a shock.” The man’s eyes held something more in their depths. He was holding something back from us.

“My sister was an outcast, Jerry! Why not tell them everything! My mother bitterly entered the conversation. We blame her for my father’s death. He was never the same after she brought shame on the family.” Her eyes held secrets, too. It looked like something that had been festering in her for years.

“Why?” I asked the question and felt a familiar hand squeeze my knee under the table. As always, I could rely on Meri to support me. Neither of us had realised the can of worms we had opened.

My father cleared his throat and looked at my mother. She had a look I had never seen before, a mix of bitterness and anger. For all my mother’s failings, she wasn’t particularly known for hostility. In fact, because of her charity work and compassion for people at the hospital, it led me to my chosen profession as a nurse.

“If it’s too painful, Mr. Travis,” Meri pleaded, “let’s leave it be. This is supposed to be a celebration and we don’t want to mar that, do we?” She also didn’t want another blot on her copybook from bringing up the subject in the first place.

“Jerry, tell them and let that be the end of it. I don’t want to talk about her again. She simply isn’t worth getting upset over.”

Wiping a hand over his smoothly shaven chin several times, he looked at me with a reassuring glance. Then, he cleared his throat and looked at my partner, “That’s all right, Merivale, we’ll have this conversation and then won’t speak of it again.”

“Dad?” My eyes pleaded with him for understanding for what was going on. I felt like that eight-year-old again, childlike and innocent.

“I remember it well. We had the usual get together with all the relatives at Sandra’s. She was so happy, not that she was usually, but she always had that reserve that seems to accompany bankers. Well, what we all hadn’t bargained on was her new friend. Seemed a nice enough chap at the time. We all thought he was just a banking colleague. Little did we know…” His voiced trailed off as he contemplated the purposely, buried memory from 20 years ago.

I looked at Meri and she shrugged. What difference would a man make in my Aunt’s life? At least she hadn’t done what I’d done, falling in love with a woman. According to my grandmother, it was the worse catastrophe possible.

“Was he married?” That was my first thought; maybe my Aunt had thrown caution to the winds and had an affair with a married man! It was a possibility, but surely, not that shaming.

“No, he wasn’t married, at least, not that we know. You’re running ahead of the story as usual, Iliana. You never could wait until the end, could you?” My dad smiled at me, though, there was a residual sadness in it.

“I’ll be quiet, Dad, go on.”

“I wasn’t there at the time. I’ve only heard snippets from others who were. The bottom line was that she and this man…Graham, I think was his name, were going to move north and live together.”

My eyes rolled up at the ceiling in disbelief. That was it? “For God’s sake, Dad, how was that such a criminal case for Granddad to get so upset from it?” I don’t recall my grandfather very well from when I was a child. He was one of those that only appeared between sport programmes to fetch another beer. But I remember how bitter he was as I grew up.

Meri placed a hand on my knee. She had seen my agitation and didn’t want me to lose my fiery temper. I always called such displays as ‘circumstances of injustice being expressed’. I took a deep breath and rubbed her hand.

“She was pregnant! Does that make more sense?” My dad’s voice raised an octave or two as I stared back at him. Back then, I suppose, being unmarried and having a child was considered scandalous. But, she was going to be with the father, surely that counted for something.

“A little, Dad. But, not enough to understand Mother’s anger and bitterness towards Aunt Sandra.” I was annoyed and they all knew it. “This is ridiculous, Mother. She was your sister!” I didn’t expect my mother’s reaction as she spit out the reply.

“She brought shame on the family!” she said angrily. “Not only was she expecting a baby outside of marriage, it was going to be black, too! Do you know what that did to my father? Do you? Don’t you understand anything at all about family morals, Iliana?”

In all honesty, I should have expected the angry outburst. This was the same prejudice my grandmother and my mother had shown Meri and me. In their blinkered eyes, being in love with someone didn’t mean anything if you chose the wrong partner. Be that the colour of their skin, slant of their eyes or, God forbid, gender! Regardless, you were considered an outcast, bringing only shame onto the family.

“I’d call Grandfather a bigot”. I glared at her, fully expecting to be chastised again.

My dad intervened, “Sandra was asked to reconsider her plans and she refused. Instead, she chose to leave a month later with the man she loved over her family’s wishes. He glanced at his distressed wife. “Your Aunt was your grandfather’s favourite child. He worshipped the ground she walked on and until that moment, she could do no wrong. Frankly, it broke his heart that she didn’t see his point of view. He couldn’t connect the rebellious side of his child to the loving daughter he had embraced in his heart. He told her nothing good would come of the relationship. How could it, he said, they weren’t equal.”

“Dad, that’s stupid,” I sputtered. “You can’t legislate who you’re going to fall in love with. Look at us.” My eyes turned to the woman I loved and smiled tenderly at her. No amount of outside pressure had dissolved our bond. Wonder if it had been the same for my aunt, as well. Hmm, I mused, looked like I wasn’t the only one who had chosen to live outside the rigid rules of our family upbringing.

There was a marked silence as my parents contemplated the remark. My mother’s stare was enough. Apparently, for all these years, she had just pretended to tolerate our relationship. The truth was she really detested it.

“You think the same way as Granddad, don’t you Mom…about Meri and me?”

“This isn’t the place to have that discussion again, Iliana, your mother…”

I refused to allow my father to speak for her. Today was the day for the unadulterated truth. Let’s get all the skeletons out of the cupboards.

“Sorry, Dad, but I need an answer now! Mother wanted us to know about one black sheep in the family. What I want to know is exactly how she sees me, another black sheep, in the order of things. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, is it?”

A persistent silence ensued. We all knew I wasn’t going to get my answer and deep inside, I already knew the reply. It was in her eyes and tightness of her lips. All the anger that had built inside me suddenly washed away and was quickly filled by great sorrow. I finally understood something about my mother. For all the compassion she showed to the outside world, she never really felt it in her heart. It was only a façade. Her mother had done it and her mother before her. She was following the natural order of how she was brought up. Bigotry was just another element of family tradition and, sadly, no one was going to change that in her. What a waste of life. She was never going to share in my joy of my relationship with Meri. She’ll only be an onlooker, watching it bitterly from the sidelines. Thank God, I hadn’t turned out the same way! Why I hadn’t, was certainly one of life’s little mysteries, especially upsetting for my mother, I’m sure.

“Let’s go, Meri, I’m sure Mom and Dad want to be alone.” I stood up and scraped back the chair. Several people in our vicinity had turned to stare during my outburst and I glared back at them. Being rude wasn’t something I cared about at that moment.

Although I had been surprised by the revelations of the evening, the biggest was yet to come. Meri refused to leave. She shook her head and quietly asked me to sit back down. Perhaps ‘asked’, was the wrong word. She demanded I sit and not make such a fool of myself. I looked at her stunned. How could she sit here and be with my parents who were so prejudiced against our love? I want a drink!

I sat back down quickly. I’d seen that look in my lover’s eyes before and you usually didn’t refuse her or the repercussions could last for days.

“Thank you, Merivale, my daughter is apt to be judgemental.” That was rich coming from him. I was seething, angry at everything in the building and especially with the people at my table.

“I told you before, Iliana, you never let anyone finish their story. I looked down guiltily.  You know, your grandfather did forgive her. But by the time he did, it was too late, she was already dead.”

“How did she die?” Meri asked quietly. Moments earlier, she had reached for my hand to give me the comfort and security I needed. Her touch always soothes me. And sex was out of the question at the moment, I sighed.

“She died giving birth. There was a rare complication that no one expected. There was nothing the doctors could do. She never regained consciousness, mercifully.”

“What about the baby?” I spoke this time. I wanted to know if I had a cousin that I’d never been told about. Nothing I heard now would surprise me.

My dad shook his head. His eyes shimmered with what might have been tears. “A still birth, they were buried together in a cemetery in the north.”

“Did anyone go to her funeral?” I demanded. I know was pushing him, but this was my chance to find out if all my relatives weren’t critical and uncaring people.

“Your grandfather. He died three months later of a heart attack. Your grandmother wasn’t the same afterwards. It’s probably why she was so unforgiving in your situation, Iliana, she didn’t understand it.”

“Do you, Dad?” I insisted as my tears slipped down my cheeks. “I don’t think Mother does. She must be a real chip off the old block.” How had I been born into such an unforgiving family? A part of me had always hoped that over time, Meri and I would be accepted just like all the other couples in the family. Now, I knew it wasn’t going to happen, ever! The kernel of hope shattered with the knowledge.

“I understand that you are old enough to make your own choices. However, maybe not the choices I would have wanted for you. I’ve long believed your relationship was wrong, but the times have changed and I’ve had to change with them. I might not approve of your choice but I’m wiser than your grandfather. I’d rather have you in my life then lose you forever. You’re my daughter and I love you, it’s really as simple as that.”

“What about you, Mom?” my eyes turned to my mother who had that withdrawn look like when her mother had died.

“It could have been worse, she could have been black as well,” she stated in a casual tone. My mouth gaped open almost hitting the table at the cruel remark by my parent.

I wasn’t the only one shocked as Meri stared wide-eyed at her, too. This was almost unbelievable! Things like this only ever happened in the movies!

Then she laughed. My wonderful, beloved mate laughed and the whole serious level of the conversation was brought down to the ridiculous. Prejudice should be placed, no, buried, with other sins like blind ignorance, persecution, and hatred.

I ordered another bottle of wine and watched the three of them drink it. The conversation went back to a neutral footing. By the time I’d dropped my parents off at their home, I wondered if any of the disclosures had actually happened. As I looked at the love of my life asleep next to me, I knew it had. Meri hardly ever drank more than three glasses of wine and tonight; she’d gone through a bottle. That was going to be one humdinger of a headache in the morning.

As I stopped the car and helped her out, her sleepy reply made every disagreement, all the anguish, and heartache I had endured with my parents over our relationship, fade into the background. “I love you, Ils. It’s going to be all right.”

As I hugged her close to me, I whispered into her ear, knowing she probably wouldn’t hear me as the alcohol took its toll, “I love you too, Mer. More than you will ever know.”

* * *

The memories of the warm and beautiful summer days are fading as autumn finally takes hold, bringing forth the glorious reddish gold and rich auburn colours of fall leaves. Each season holds its share of memories and I have many.

I’ll remember this past summer as one full of revelations about long ago summer days; a time that I had only remembered with innocent and joy. Yet for others, it had been traumatic and life changing. During this summer, I saw myself from the eyes of my parents and how they viewed the choices I’d made with disapproval. I’d like to think that I’d be more generous with my children. Perhaps, that is the lesson to be learned as each generation passes. Although prejudice remains, we can but hope it will grow weaker as each year passes.

Ideology is one thing. Actually trying to live it, quite another. Whereas, I’d suffered the slings and arrows as my aunt had done with her choice, at least my parents were still talking to my partner and me. That had to be considered positive steps forward, or at least, I hope so. I’d also like to think that any child of ours wouldn’t see any bias from us. However, I don’t kid myself that I’m completely free of prejudice, either. I have personal values that others might not agree with. But, I hope at least, I would be tolerant of theirs.

“Iliana, I thought you wanted to see this house?” Meri shouted from the open doorway of another property we’d agreed to look at. After the differences we had about my Aunt’s old house, we’d shelved the house hunting idea for a couple of months. Now, we’re back on the trail of the perfect place that we both would be happy with.

Laughing, I hollered back at her, “I do, I do!” as I bounded up the steps. She shook her head as she went back in, but I knew she would have a big smile on her face.

As I went inside to her embrace, I realized my heart and soul was finally at peace. As long as Meri was in my life, any place chosen would be perfect. Together, we would create memories of many carefree, happy summer days that belonged only to us. A haven where we are truly allowed to be ourselves.

Love vs. Hate

There are all kinds of love
Just as there are hate
Our parent’s love wants to protect us
Friends show love as they listen and understand
If you put it all together, that’s the love you share with a lover
Creating the passionate strength to withstand
Prejudice that might befall
I’ll take that any day
Over the power of hate which eats you away.

THE END